i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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