I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she peed on how many people?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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