She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
