you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
