I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
