I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
