i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
