They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
