she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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