im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
