She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
