You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
