Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
