I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
