HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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