Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
