he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
