Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
