You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
