I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
