I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
