I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
