You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
