im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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