Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
