I accidentally burped into my bong.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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