two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
