So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
