i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
