so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
