Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
