Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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