I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
