i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
