A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
