when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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