I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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