Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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