a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
