i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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