I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
