no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she woke up with a sticky ear
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
