im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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