so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
