so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
