there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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