How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
