gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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