She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
