mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
