his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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