Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
