My friends, they love my intelligence
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
