I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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